Saturday, January 23, 2010

Mind-Body Challenge 2010! Update

Well, it was bound to happen.  I gained 1.5 pounds this week.  Actually, I'd be wondering about my scale if I didn't gain weight this week.  I had a very stressful week, with announcements at work that didn't thrill me, and a sick child all week long with the stomach flu.  That translates into more emotional eating for me virtually due to the fact that I was home more with things on my mind.

I've been thinking about this whole idea of extra weight.  How does it serve me?  How does wearing my anxieties, fears and emotional abundances on the outside serve the purpose of who I am?  Why, when I know how to eat and nurture myself, do I choose the opposite road?  I have a friend who has a chronic illness.  She knows exactly how to care for herself, as she has dealt with this illness for several decades.  She routinely knows how much sleep she needs, the proper nutrition she needs, the triggers for her flare ups.  However, I have, over the many years I've known her, watched her sabotage several of these known cares, which of course land her in bed with a flare up.  Why?  She doesn't know why.  Why isn't proper care for our selves important enough to keep us on the right path?

I am always in awe of thin women - because you know as a large woman, I idolize thin women...  but anyhow, I watch them at gatherings surrounded by creamy and rich foods that I feel like I could dive right into and swim to oblivion.  But no - it's just food to them.  UGH!  Just food!?!?!?  How do you NOT eat everything in sight?  It just isn't very important to them - being with people and enjoying themselves is key to their happiness in that moment.  At least with the few I've had the nerve to question.

Clearly, I am just starting to uncover some of my hang-ups over food, emotions, how other people live, and how I can care for myself.  Luckily, I see this as a long, nurturing road with ups and downs of weight and feelings.  I don't feel angry at myself because of the weight gain and I don't feel like I failed - I do hope I keep on the right track, though.  I suppose that's my deep-down fear - that I won't ever get this weight off.


goldenbird said...

I know what you mean about stress eating ... I do that, too. When things are difficult I find myself going through the Taco Bell drive-thru. You are doing so great being realistic (and kind to yourself) about the ups and downs of the journey you're on.

Jill said...

Thanks, Stacy! And I would definitely be visiting Taco Bell more often - if it was close by and if I wasn't gluten intolerant. what is it about that salty junk that is soooooo appealing??

Thanks for the support - I really love it!