Mind-Body Challenge 2010! Update and Others

First off - I lost 1 pound this week.  I know this 'should' be going faster, especially when I have so much to lose, but I'm struggling with doing what feels good and what just sounds good.  French fries sound good, but a tossed salad or baked cauliflower feel good.  I just don't think at this point, I'm able to pit cauliflower against french fries.  I'm just too addicted.  So sorry.  But I'm reading a great book by Mariel Hemingway which I will share very soon.  Finally I found a book that looks at more than just diet or exercise, but looks at life values and gentle shifts to come to a place of peace.  It's not a new book - I think it was published in the '90's.  I found it for $3 in a used book store (that I will also share with you soon).

On the home front, my sons attended a 'pink' dance at their school to raise awareness and some funds for breast cancer research.  I believe they raised in total over $800.  No to shabby for a bunch of young whipper snappers!  Here are the boys ready to go boogie:

I am happy to say the stomach flu has left the building.  However, a head cold has once again landed in my elder son's body, making this the 4th week of illness in our home.  I have been wondering if my dishes are getting clean enough with the new dishwasher detergent... if the dishes still have germs, then we will keep getting sick... right?  So I have decided to do the un-green thing and turn on the extra hot water for the next few cycles to see if there is a difference.  I really don't want to go back to using the toxic gel.  I wish we could open the windows to air the place out, but it is too ----- cold.  I think down around 10 degrees (F) is a bit too chilly to welcome the winter air in to do what?- invite pneumonia?  No thanks, we'll wait until spring.  Until then, we'll keep the homeopathy handy, and more chicken soup!

And about the lunch detention... well, it apparently went like this:

My son's version:

My son received detention early in the day.  He ended up going to lunch, having forgotten that he had detention.  Once he remembered, he arrived about 10 minutes late to the library for his detention, to see 3 other kids there as well.  No teacher.  He sat down and waited.  While he waited, one of the kids left.  

The teacher's version:

The teacher gave the detention to my son on a day she had lunch duty.  On those days, her associate takes the detention.  The associate was in the room at the start of lunch, and gave the 3 kids the instruction to eat their lunches, going so far as to check to make sure they all had their lunches.  Then she left to get her own lunch.  When she returned, all 3 kids were done eating (she assumed because they were no longer eating) and she had them help put chairs at the tables and then told them that detention was over.  

Ok, so we see a merging of experiences here - the teacher clearly did not know my child to notice that he came late, nor did she recognize that the 3 students in her room were not necessarily the 3 whom she left in the beginning of the period.  My son, having remembered the rule that there is no eating in the library, had tossed his (very good and nutritious) lunch in the trash prior to arriving at the library, not knowing the rules had changed.  Oh yes-  they have changed the rules so you can now eat in the library.  I can now let go of my anger - and you can too.  judging from the comments I received, this hit a sore spot with everyone!  

Lisa (left) and me

And last, an update on my wonderful sister, Lisa.  She is recovering from her recent thyroid surgery, glad to have that removed.  She is now getting ready for a new course of chemo and scans to keep a close eye on additional hot spots picked up by her latest PET scan.  I am planning a trip to visit her in California as soon as I can.  Never before has 2500 miles felt so very far away.  Again, I am acquainted with the sense that I am powerless and afraid.  All I need is some meditation to bring me 'round to that place of peace and understanding that I found during her previous battles.  If you have some extra positive energy lying around, perhaps you could send it her way one of these days.  I betcha she'll feel it!

Can You Keep Food From A Child?

Ok.  I have a rant to share.  My 12 year old son came home and declared at dinner, "I didn't get to eat the lunch you sent me to school with".  Upon digging into his scholarly endeavors for the day, we discovered that he had misbehaved in a computer class by attempting to show a friend a fun site he found online as part of his class project for the day.  The teacher saw him talking to his friend and assigned detention.  At lunch.  Lunch?  Well, ok - maybe that's how she does it.

So my son goes to the detention, but it's in the school library.  Now everyone knows you can't eat lunch in the library.  So my child diligently sat for the lunch period in the library for his detention.  Oh yes... and if that doesn't make you mad yet, think about this:

The teacher never showed up.


So this got me to boil of course, being the hot-headed Scorpio that I am.  I began an angry email to the teacher, explaining my views on her discipline for my son.  Before I finished it, I did a major search for something of status - you know - something that I could quote, some law that I could refer to to make sure she knew she was really wrong.  Bad teacher.  Bad.  No no.  But you know what?  There IS no law against withholding a student's lunch for disciplinary reasons.

I am flabbergasted.


Why in the world not?  There are all sorts of laws for hospitals and psychiatric programs.  But nothing for schools.  And this is not exclusive to Massachusetts, either - it's all over the US.  Now go figure.

So I finished my angry letter to the teacher, and all I could add was something about each student shall receive a 30-minute lunch period each day from the parent handbook.  Hardly as strong as I wanted, since of course I wanted to 'throw the book at her', but it'll have to do for now.

How does this make you feel?  Are you comfortable with having a child not able to eat his lunch for ANY reason?  I don't care if he tried to light the school on fire - you don't withhold food!

Feel free to join my rant or share your perspective in the comments section.

Coming Back Into Focus

Do you know the feeling when you somersault underwater, then come out of it not knowing which way is up and out into the fresh air? I have become quite familiar with that feeling over this past month. When several issues hit at once, that were frustrating, eye-opening and concerning, I had to find my way to fresh air. During that process, I stopped writing on my blog. I stopped, mostly because I had nothing to share. I had put aside my urge to check in with everyone, and to share things I was thinking about. I gave myself time to define my priorities, and to let go of those things that were no longer important.

I have made several discoveries about myself over the past month. I have learned that taking care of my family, my home, my body and my money are all priorities. Not that they weren't in the past, but I have reached absolute bottom with each of these areas lately, that I had to stare each one in the face long and hard to discover how I was going to pursue a comfortable standard for myself. Just how clean is clean? Just how much money needs to be in savings to feel secure? What foods make me feel sick and what make me feel better? How hard do I push for my kids to be involved in after school activities - or homework? How about family respect? Do I demand it at every turn?

My sister, Lisa discovered more cancer in her breast (pectoral) muscle - from the side that the initial tumors were removed. I never considered this would happen. Why? I knew it could. However, I knew what 'clean margins' meant - and when the doctors announced that they 'got it all' with the initial surgery, I never questioned it. I subscribed to the magic carpet that carried us all right out of harm's way and into the land of healing. I should have known better. But I just so desperately wanted to take a deep breath - I wanted to be certain Lisa would be fine forever. So when she called me with the new pathology report a few weeks ago, I felt all the trauma of the first cancer phone call over a year ago. Me, at a laundromat during one of my washer-break-down days, trying to shove the clothes into the dryer, putting quarters into the machine with blurry, tear-filled eyes. The quarters kept falling to the floor, and me, swearing under my breath. I wasn't angry at those quarters, but at life. At the ridiculous cosmos for causing my sister pain and anguish.

So you see, I had to step aside from this blog, from certain areas in my life that were taking considerable time and effort that I just didn't feel I could afford to give. I stopped creating art, making music for fun, enjoying friends, laughing. So many things stopped making sense, and I had to figure it out. Not really a depression, but a serious focusing to get clear on life and how I really want to live mine. I can't stop my sister's cancer. I can't change the housing market. I can't force my children to love school. I can't pay the bills unless I go to work. Looking at all of this with a positive light, I can learn more about breast cancer, to be pro-active rather than frightened. I can keep my house tidy until the right time comes to sell it. I can extend my kids' educational experiences by offering more museum trips and adventures that relate to their curriculum. I can find a way to de-stress at work, providing myself enough space to enjoy what I do and the people I work with.

And I can keep finding time to do the things I love, to keep everything in perspective.

I wish you all well.

Parenting 101

Parenting is, at best, rewarding, yet challenging. It has taken many a discussion and many occasions of being ignored for me to just begin to understand what my kids are really saying. During the times when I can take a step back and just breathe, I cherish what my kids are saying underneath it all. It isn't always what I want to hear, but if I pay attention, I can figure out what they need.

What They Say (in black) versus What They Mean (In red)

I didn't do it.

Yes, I did indeed do it, but I'm not going to admit it as I think you'll eventually calm down and not eat me if I just pretend I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't have a girlfriend.

Yes, I do like someone, but I wouldn't DARE express anything but negative emotions in your presence as you might get the idea that I am still a nice, gentle person inside.

I am so bored.

I need to spend more time actually doing things and less time being entertained, although what I am thinking is I need the opposite.

I don't want to walk next to you.

I don't want my friends to see me wanting to spend time with you, and enjoying your company.

I need money.

I need money.

Can I have a sleepover?

Basically, I need your permission to stay up all night, be rowdy with my friends, eat every single thing in the house, then demand that you buy more food, drive the neighbors crazy and sleep all the next day while you have to get up and function on pretty much no sleep.

I don't care.

Of course I care, but if I show you I care, you will then expect me to be all mushy and on top of things all the time. I can tell my friends that I care, but never you.

I don't want to go with you.

I am asserting my independence, and even though I typically want to go with you, I am opting out this time, so you know I am becoming my own person.

I love you.

I do love you very much, no matter how I am acting.

I wouldn't ever change my parenting job. I wish it was a little easier sometimes, especially when I am tired or over-stressed. It is true that teenagers are a whole different breed from toddlers... but it's good to keep growing and learning (as a parent, I mean)... right?

Tomorrow's the Day!

Hooray! Tomorrow is my last day of work until September!

I have been looking forward to this day for a very, very long time. Last week I wrote about getting ready to sink my teeth into summer break. Now it is practically on top of me, and I must say, it feels fine. After posting last week, I started wondering... "Should I have made more plans for the month? Should I have booked some trips? Should I have made plans to remodel a room? Should I have organized some friendly gatherings? Will we be bored? Will we eat each other alive? Will we become slaves to the television?"

Ah. So it took a couple of days for me to relax from that anxiety-producing monologue. Now I can't wait to have a few crash days - days where we just let things happen slowly and quietly. Then we will take it as it comes. We have some ideas such as going up into Vermont to visit friends, or going south to Maryland to visit family. I would like to paint our dining room, but for those of you who live in humid climates like we do, you may understand how painting in humidity is not a treat, and not for those who do not like to sweat (such as Me!).

I have made a contract with myself to make sure I spend an hour each day exercising in some way. I can go to the gym, take a walk, use an exercise video, whatever. But an hour per day it must be. This may seem harsh to those who know that I am learning some self-compassion, but I really need a hard and fast rule to actually get out there and take care of myself.

Something my husband and I are working on is an activity program for our younger son. We brain-stormed on it into the wee hours last night, and I'm pretty excited about it. Currently just an idea right now, what I can share with you is that we are looking to develop a monthly program for boys and a parent (mom or dad) to build, create, explore, discover, learn and have a really great time. After seeing what an amazing time our son is having at an invention camp he is in, we want to recreate the experience throughout the school year, adding other boys his age (11). We thought of activities such as:

1. Building go-karts
2. Building ice forts
3. Building volcanoes that actually erupt without spewing all over the kitchen
4. Building model rockets
5. Cooking a full meal
6. Building a robot
7. Building inventions from trash and broken or disabled equipment
8. I'm sure many other ideas will surface as we contemplate cool stuff

We have nothing against girls - in fact, being surrounded by boys all the time makes me long to do things with more girls. However, we feel our son needs some real rough and tumble activities to learn how to make friends his own age, while doing things that do not involve a screen. When girls are involved, he tends to shut down or be obnoxious (he's just that age), completely bypassing the whole point of the gathering.

Have you ever done this? We will be focusing on the 11-12 year old boys in our town, helping our son to reach out to a wider circle of friends than the one or two he has now. We have several books with activities, such as "The Dangerous Book for Boys" as well as others, which I will consult for good ideas. But please - if you or someone you know has ever done this, do share your thoughts or ideas. Even if you haven't done this, but have thoughts or ideas, I would love to hear them. No one I know has done this, so I have nothing to go by as of yet. Of course, that won't stop me (he he).

I think it's going to be an amazing summer.

And by the way - another giveaway is coming!! Check back with me tomorrow!