Body Challenge 2010 Weekly Update

I have chosen Saturdays as my weigh in day - not just for the scale, but also a check in for how I feel, how my clothes fit, how my behind fits in theater seats ;).  Not your usual day for a check in, as who wants to be bothered by all this on a weekend?   I typically overeat on Friday night to relieve the stress of the week.  I come home on Fridays around 2pm from work and begin with a late lunch, then snack until pizza dinner (homemade and gluten free) followed by a treat of some sort.  But I chose Saturday for this particular reason.  I really want to keep my urges in check.  Yesterday, it worked for the most part.  I still came home around 2, needing a lunch and starving by that point (note to self - pack food to eat between music sessions - duh!), but once I ate, I reminded myself that the next day was a check in point for me, and I needed to be mindful.  And mindful I was -  with no snacking, only a small bit of pizza and no 'treat' after (as I was full and not really needing it).

So with a bit of trepidation, and quite a bit of wonderment, I got on the scale - and... drum roll, please...

I lost 3 pounds!

Wow.  Here I thought I was making all the wrong choices, but I suppose I was doing alright.  What I have been doing is listening to my inner hunger.  You know, that voice that says (screams) "I'm really hungry" when it's really saying, "Feed me some love".  I've been trying a mish-mash of a few different philosophies: a little from Geneen Roth (Feeding the Hungry Heart), Diana Schwarzbein (The Schwarzbein Principle), and Ann Louise Gittleman (The Fat Flush Plan).

I appreciate each of these programs for what they offer because I am primarily rule-bound and like to follow a plan (Never say 'diet'), but also feel I need a combination of ideas to satisfy the part of me that hates rules.  Combining these approaches has also helped me be a little kinder to myself, gentler with the criticism (there's no falling off the wagon, here) and hopefully will keep me going for the long haul.

Another part which is so tremendous is the support I get from family and friends.  For the first time ever, I have shared with people (and now the public) how much I weigh, and what my weight loss goal is.  I have forever kept it hidden for fear that people will judge and dislike me for my weaknesses.  Well, people will judge.  That's what we do, whether we know or not.  I stand on line at the grocery store and look at what other people are buying - don't you?  At the library, I look at what books others are checking out - do you?  You can say it's all information gathering, but I know a little judgement goes on in my head - not proud of it, but there it is.  Happily, what I have found with my announcement (online and in person) regarding my plan to lose 100 pounds is that people are supportive and loving.  Thank you my friends, for being so wonderful.

Staying the Course

I know how to eat well.  I know how to eat to lose weight, even.  What I struggle with is balancing major emotional crises with the urge to eat - usually something not good for me.  When hit in the face with a familial argument, I want M&M's.  Or ice cream.  Or potato chips.  When I have a huge deadline looming ahead, I would rather drown my frustrations in smooth dark chocolate or a thickly-creamed, hot mocha.  What is it about emotional eating that is so hard to stop?  I recognize the problem, yet have a hard time stopping in the moment and therefore, stopping the habit of eating improperly.  I really want to lose weight - it has nothing to do with the desire to be healthy.

But it has everything to do with how we nurture ourselves.  I read a great book called, "Self-Nurture" by Alice Domar many years ago.  She talks about how we as (mostly) women find so many other things to occupy our nurturance except ourselves.  We leave ourselves to last when we dish out the caring energy.  Oh sure - there are those of us who know how to balance work, family or friends and life in general without eating our feelings.  But I can almost guarantee that if you show me an overweight woman, you will find someone who has forgotten how to care deeply and carefully for herself.

I used to have these things called 'betterments' where I would do one thing just for me.  They didn't have to make any sense to anyone but me.  Some of my 'betterments' were taking a walk in the woods, getting a pedicure, going to a movie, sitting quietly, playing music, going out with a friend, going shopping.  Perhaps it's time to bring back those 'betterments' in order to place less emphasis on feeding my feelings, and more on feeling them, and basically, just enjoying myself sometimes.  You know, I got so good at this in the past, I was actually finding a 'betterment' to relish every day...!?!?!

Do you have any 'betterments'?  What can you come up with that feeds your soul instead of your belly?